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fake

i'm not who anyone wants me to be
they don't even have to tell me bluntly
i see their face--
the silence
the sideways looks of annoyance
but i'm already stuck
so
they try setting boundaries
and creating constraints
wanting me to do things their way
and
i really try
but i can't
i'm always failing at being the person i'm not
and i wonder do they even really like me
if that's who i'm not
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Posted by

At the Lake

Water never held me.
I'd always sink ass-first
Bobbing like a buoy
An announcement
That something rocky
Lies beneath
Give it a wide berth.

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Posted by

Untitled

My dream of Senem riding a lawnmower over a field of rocks was a premonition. Because I wanted to see inside them, I gave her this task: split them apart for me; crack them open. Let me see the inside of every stone. 

 Will it bleed? Is it a seed? Seeds are containers. Time travelers. They reveal the past and future. If one goes extinct, a part of us dies with it. Here in this pile of rubble is a miracle. A life you can save. Find the one that bleeds. I need to believe in salvation. 

 When we were dying I took you to a pile of rocks and said, "One of these is my heart. Bring it back to me". 

 You said you’d fight but never imagined it would be like this. But god you tried until your own hands were grey and smashed. 

 Because you gave me hope, I will marry you. But it must be a marriage of our own making. Marriage can be anything: A rock. A seed. Your bleeding hand in mine. A cherry pit I spit on the ground. 

 But I know you like watermelons best so I will sow you a row of them 
with my mouth as a wedding gift.

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Posted by

Looking Into Extinction

Where in the ice age are we?
are we about to go extinct?
have opposing civilizations
shared their bombs with us
and they have yet to land?

Should we be sleeping still,
in the similar stillness as
we've been sleeping?
when missiles have given birth
& humankind
is looking into extinction

as we eat our own flesh to survive
the taste in humanity's mouth sours
from licking rancid salt off the bone



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Posted by

Tongore road

Strung out on fruit loops
Doomsday news
Car culture
Blue washed faces
Curtains drawn
A childhood holding pattern
Beam me up
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Posted by nah

LATE STAGE CAPITALISM BLUEBERRIES

Send money to animals,  
and to people who never left, 
send money across space + time 
because you have this weird money 
to send across space + time. 
Repost something vigorous. 
Was it first made with paint?
Did the paint kiss the maker’s elbow, 
for a second did it look like a scab?
It’s more my fault than yours
(or yours)
I could do better (I can) –– 
make rules (follow them) –– 
I have no children, no singular 
emergency, and so much raw 
material:  garden of dirt, 
fancy water filter sitting in its 
box in the basement. 
Eternal calm before storm 
(steam in shadow), 
living in these places 
where nothing shows (it does), 
shiny glass buildings that multiply 
so cleanly, trash vortex 
at the end of the alley
the squirrels breed gigantic there, 
challenge the lost romeo cat 
to colonize the strip mall solar panels. 
Homes that cosplay frontier, 
homes that cosplay contentment,
hang it in cursive mylar 
from the walls. 
None of us wanted this,
but we ushered it in. 
Is it all poison? And if I think that, 
am I the parasite?
Can you love a poison, 
a parasite, 
just for being true?

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True Contribution

My last act might be a legacy act,
not acting at all like I should leave
a legacy
should I leave,
I leave, and let
leave be.
Coasting, now, for 15 years,
bettering the devil I know,
thinking this was
the true path,
but now all of these devils
I don't know,
and I was saying today
that a habit is
not making a habit of something,
and why would I,
there are so many basement bars passed,
that I'll never know of.
You might think they've always been there,
that is were they
habits spoken of.


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